Of Magic and Demons
by thefuryisours
Summary: F!Surana reflects on her past on the eve of battle. Set during the Morrigan's Ritual quest, There's a better description inside. Main pairing: LelianaxWarden, with some Jowan friendship and brief CullenxWarden.
1. Losses and Gains

Of Magic and Demons

by Jericho-is-Falling

**Brief Synopsis:** A mostly nameless Fem!Surana reflects on her experiences on the eve of the most important battle of her life. Set after Riordan's little chat at Redcliffe. Here there be spoilers.

**Pairings: **Leliana/F!Surana, Morrigan/Reluctant!Alistair (if you've played the game you know what I'm referring to), Jowan-friendship, and a little Cullen/F!Surana

**Author's Notes.**

Since I first played _Dragon Age: Origins_ late last December, I have played completely through one of each of the Origins, excluding Amell since I really didn't see the point of having two mage characters if it's the same background. Two of these six characters ended in a Cthulhu baby so Alistair and his female Warden could go run off into the sunset/become King and Queen of Ferelden, two others ended with the Warden making a heroic sacrifice, one ended with Loghain making the heroic sacrifice, and the final one is this story.

With my Surana character, I found myself at a little bit of a moral conundrum at the Morrigan's Ritual quest. It kind of felt dickish of me to make Alistair, after making him a reluctant king, lose his virginity to Morrigan just so Leliana and Surana could go riding off into the sunset. So I kind of made up a little (most likely going to be five or six chapters long) story for it here to justify it. Plus I wanted an excuse to write some Jowan. He's my favorite idiot character ever.

Also: Though I tried to stay as in-character (I seriously did the character's voices in my head while writing them. Oddly enough Alistair is the hardest to do this with.) and true to the storyline as possible, there are bits of things not addressed in the game's plot, or bent for my personal creative wishes. But hey, there's a lot going on during the game that we don't exactly see, right?

AlsoAlso: Italics are flashbacks, in case that isn't clear. It was much more obvious in Word, but it seems a little iffy on here.

* * *

Chapter One: _Losses and Gains_

One would think after all this time, the young elven mage would be used to loss.

The elder Grey Warden wished them good night and left, but the two younger Wardens couldn't move just yet. What they had just been told was quite unnerving for two young people to hear on the eve of battle. They had already had their doubts about surviving, but to know that, should Riordan fail, then one of them would certainly have to die just completely took the wind out their sails.

Turning to leave, the templar shook his head and briefly placed a sympathetic hand on his friend's shoulder. She looked up at him, but couldn't bring herself to actually say anything to him. Smiling halfheartedly, he patted her shoulder and continued out the door. After a minute or so, she found her own will to move and exited the room herself.

As she followed him down the hall, she noticed her companion in front of her. With his head sunk in contemplation, she knew that he was feeling the same way she was. It just wasn't fair. They had both lost so much, and then through their time together gained some of it back. It struck her kind of funny to think that it had only been a little over a year ago since they were both in this same position of loss.

"_You don't have to do this," the boy insisted. "You didn't know him as well as I did."_

_She sat down beside him outside Flemeth's hut. "That doesn't mean I don't mourn his death," she told him. "He helped me too, remember?"_

_He stared out at the woods. "I'm fine, really," he insisted._

"_It's okay, Alistair. I understand what you're going through. I don't want you to have to go through it alone."_

_Sighing, he looked down at the grass and picked at it. "He was a good man and he didn't deserve to die the way he did. None of them did. I just can't help feeling like I should've been there to help him after all he did for me."_

_The young mage put her hand on top of his. "He was like a father to you, wasn't he?"_

_That statement almost brought him to tears, the young warrior exhaled and nodded weakly. Then he looked up at her with weary eyes. "Have you ever lost someone you cared about?"_

_Now it was her turn to look away. "Not like you have," she admitted, "but in a way I have. I didn't have really have my own parents either. At least, I don't remember them if I did. I was born in an Alienage in Denerim, and taken to the Circle as a young child, and I absolutely despised it at first. But as the years went on, I came to terms with my fate, and the people there became my family."_

"_You miss it, don't you?"_

_She laughed somewhat bitterly and turned her gaze skyward. "Oh Maker, no, I still hated being caged in there when I left. I was so happy when Du-"she stopped herself, but she knew that he'd heard her. "-when I was conscripted, but no, the Circle's not what I miss."_

"_Then what do you miss?" he asked. There was a certain resolve in his tone that made her turn back and look him in the eye._

"_Who," she corrected, despondently. "There was another apprentice there who escaped shortly before I was conscripted. Actually, he was the reason I had to be conscripted in the first place."_

_There was a curious look in Alistair's eyes, and she answered him before he could ask it. _

"_I helped him escape," she told him, honestly and without remorse. "They were going to make him Tranquil. He had been seeing one of the initiates at the Circle, and there had been a rumor that he'd been practicing the forbidden arts, and he had to escape. He was- he was like a brother to me. I couldn't let them do that to him. I knew that the rumors weren't true." She paused and looked down at the ground. "Of course, it turned out they were, and I'd helped a blood mage escape.."_

"_I'm sorry," he told her, placing his hand on her shoulder. _

"_Don't be," she smiled sadly. "I'm not."_

Stopping at the door to her room, she found her voice and called out to him, "Hey, Alistair, can we talk?"

He didn't stop. Judging by the way his head perked up slightly in response to her voice, she could tell he heard her, but he continued walking as if he hadn't. Though a little hurt by this, she understood he wasn't doing it out of any sort of malice. They both had a lot to think about, and it was probably best for them to figure this out alone.

Still, it felt strange for her not to confide in him. She had become accustomed to the young man being around whenever she needed him. Now that he was to become king, she had promised to return the favor by serving as an advisor. If that could even happen now, it seemed a very long way off. The realities of ending the Blight had finally come crashing down on her, and now all she could think about was just surviving tomorrow. Sighing, she opened the door to her room and stepped inside.

A figure stood in the dark, lit only by the fireplace. Surprised, the mage stopped in her tracks.

"Maker's breath, you scared me," she gasped, regaining her composure. "What are you doing in here? Not satisfied with your own room?"

"_Will you stop it with that blasted map, already? I know the way to Lothering!" the dark haired witch groaned. In utter aggravation, the elf glared coldly at her new companion from over the map clenched tightly in her hands._

"_Ri-ight," Alistair replied, wryly, as he stooped to pick a stick from the ground and toss it into the forest. "Because we _totally_ trust you."_

_Exasperated, the witch huffed and continued on through the wilds, muttering to herself, "Oh, 'tis just like mother that she would make me accompany a ingrate templar and some slave to the Circle."_

_Now furious, the female warden managed to stop glaring at the apostate and folded up the map, grudgingly following her down the path. _

"I was just warming myself," Morrigan answered, smiling in a manner the Warden had come to know meant the apostate was most definitely up to something sinister. "I was thinking to myself what a lovely place the arl has here. 'Tis hard to imagine only months ago, it was crawling with skeletons."

"That was a long time ago," the mage replied with a bitter tone, not directed at Morrigan, but at the memory itself. Warily, she looked at the witch, then around the room. Something was definitely not right with this. Turning back to face her, she asked bluntly, "What did you put in Alistair's bed?"

Laughing, genuinely but somewhat eerily, almost reminiscent of her mother, Morrigan smiled and assured her, "I did no such thing." Then sat down on the elf's bed and patted next to her. "Sit, my friend; I have a proposition for you."

The elf cautiously moved toward the bed and sat down next to her. "What exactly do you mean by that?"

"_Enough!" the mage growled, throwing a ball of fire between the quarreling pair that caused Alistair to yelp like a frightened puppy and left Morrigan scowling like a scolded adolescent. From the middle of camp, Leliana stopped strumming and Sten sighed in disapproval._

"_You two are acting like children!" she yelled, in frustration._

_Overcoming his initial shock, the templar regained his composure began to defend himself. "But she start-"_

"_I don't want to hear it!" she harshly interrupted him. "Alistair, go back to your side of the camp, _now_."_

_Sighing in resignation, he complied with her command, and Morrigan smirked smugly._

"_Oh, I'm not done with you," the elf growled as the witch grabbed her by the arm forcefully and dragged her protesting back to her little tent set up at the edges of the camp. Once they reached it, Morrigan wrenched her arm free._

"_Don't you ever-"_

"_You're a heartless shrew, you know that?" the Warden snapped._

_The witch looked shocked as if she had not been expecting the young mage to be so defiant of her. "I-I," she stuttered for a second, before regaining her composure and snapping back at her. "How dare you talk to me like that!"_

"_I will talk to you however I wish," the mage replied. "I've told you to stop picking fights with Alistair a thousand times by now. For the first few weeks, I didn't mind the petty insulting and teasing, but it is now getting out of hand. If you two are always fighting, you're just making it easier for the enemies to defeat us. Now, I know you have some bizarre preconceived little notion that all us Circle mages are slaves to the Chantry's whim and therefore mindless pawns and you think that gives you some sort of right to do whatever you please, but you will not disobey me any longer. Do you understand me?"_

_Morrigan didn't respond, but instead folded her arms glaring at her icily._

"_I don't care if you don't like me," she continued. "The entire way back from the Brecilian Forest you made that abundantly clear to me, and I really don't care. I don't even care if you don't like what I'm doing. But by the Maker, you will do as I say, or else you better leave right now because next time you step out of line, I won't be nearly as pleasant as I'm being right now."_

_There was a long pause before Morrigan finally looked down, and replied, almost apologetically, "Very well, I will stop."_

The mage stared at the fireplace. Her mind was trying desperately to comprehend what the witch had just suggested. The idea itself seemed impossible, and even more impossible would be convincing Alistair to go through with it.

"Well, are you going to give me an answer, or are you going to continue to stare slack-jawed at the wall?" Morrigan asked with a bemused grin.

"I'm just- I'm just wrapping my head around what you're saying," she explained, still shaken. "And you say it will really work?"

"Yes, yes," she answered impatiently. "Now are you going to help me or not?"

The Warden closed her eyes and brought her hands to her face. Though incredibly tempting, the idea of a way out seemed cowardly to her, and she didn't want to put her friend through something again that he flat-out wouldn't want to do after what had happened during the Landsmeet.

With her arms crossed, the apostate tapped her fingers on her arm. "One would think this would be a much easier decision seeing as the alternative is either you or that fool Alistair's death, not that I would particularly mind the latter, but I know you wouldn't let him go through with it." She paused, as if reading the mage's mind. "Unless you don't actually care if you die, but how would that bard of yours take it? I imagine 'twould not not be a pretty sight."

The elf sat up immediately. Satisfied with this reply, Morrigan smirked, "Now go; lest you lose your nerve before reaching him."

"_You there!" the familiarly sing-song voice called out. Sitting by the campfire, the elf looked up at its owner, surprised to see the dark haired witch away from her own little corner. Her golden eyes darting away from the Warden, she shyly asked, "Can I talk to you?"_

"_Sure Morrigan," the mage answered, cheerily, though a little curious of the possible cause of her companion's uncharacteristically insecure demeanor._

"_I meant in privacy," she explained, looking at directly the red-haired bard, resting her head on her lover's lap. _

_Taking a second to realize she was referring to her, Leliana sat up, allowing the Warden slowly stand up, stretching her back as she did. The Orlesian stood as well, heading over to the tent. "I'll be waiting for your return," she informed her, sultrily gazing at her as. "I hope you won't disappoint me."  
_

_Grinning at the promise of passion, the mage turned back to Morrigan, who seemed to have been overcome by a look of disgust. "As long as I live, I will never understand what you see in her," she muttered, shaking her head. "Though in her defense, she is clearly several steps ahead of her competition."_

_The Warden laughed, "Now, certainly you didn't come all the way over here just to insult my girlfriend."_

"_I certainly didn't," the witch agreed, as the pair walked away from the center of camp. "I was wondering how it went with my mother."_

"_Ask Alistair," the mage told her, grinning. "The old hag knocked me out fifteen minutes into the fight. Had Wynne not been there, I probably wouldn't have even made it back to camp in one piece."_

"_Oh," Morrigan said, quietly. "So you didn't slay her?"_

"_Well not me personally," she answered, honestly. Realizing Morrigan's confusion, she asked, "Did Alistair not give you it?"_

"_No," the witch replied with an air of irritation. "He did not."_

_Slapping her palm to her forehead, the Warden groaned, storming back towards the fire with Morrigan following. Only few feet from the campfire, he bastard prince lay face down shirtless on his bedroll drooling. She lightly kicked him awake. Grumbling, he rolled over and groggily looked up at the pair of disgruntled magi._

"_Agh, what did I do now?"_

"_Where is it?" the elven one hissed. "I told you to give her the grimoire as soon as we returned to camp."_

_Rubbing his eyes, he groaned and sat up, "Andraste's blood, you actually woke me up for that?" Reaching for his bag, he rummaged through it and found the book. He tossed it on the ground and laid back down on his cot. "Can I sleep now?"_

"_Yes you may," she answered, stooping to pick the book up and hand it to Morrigan. "Here."_

_The witch stared at the grimoire in awe, lightly running her fingers over it. "In all honesty, I didn't believe you would go through the trouble go get this for me."_

_The mage began to head towards Leliana's tent. "It's what friends do."_

"_You say that as if I've had a friend before," Morrigan murmured, almost to herself._

_Turning around, the Warden looked at the woman, sympathetically for the first time since she had met her. Though she no longer despised the witch as she had when they first departed from her mother's hut, she still saw her more as an immobile force rather a person, albeit a talented, intelligent, and fairly likable force. To see Morrigan as capable of human emotion was somewhat foreign to the elf._

"_You have one now," she replied with a small smile._

_Bowing her head the apostate looked back at the book. "I want you to know that while I might not always prove worthy of your friendship, I will always value it."_

* * *

**End Notes:** Please point out if anything in here doesn't make sense. To be honest, I wrote the first two and a half chapters of this rather haphazardly over the course of two nights in between work, sleeping, and more work. If I spelled anything wrong. Also: feel free to constructively criticize. I'm really not one of those types of Fanfic writers who drools all over how awesome her story is and would be horrendously offended if you had anything to say other than ridiculous appraisal. I write fanfics for fun and an easy way to practice my writing.

So hit the review button. Do it. Do it.


	2. Brothers and Sisters

Hey look, it's a second chapter posted immediately after the first, at this rate I'll be done in ten minutes! (sarcasm) I'm currently halfway through the third chapter. After that, there will either be two or three others. This will probably be done by Wednesday at latest.

So much Jowan in this. Also: Surana's name starts with a K. I'm far too lazy to make an actual one up, but that's why he calls her Kitty.

Also: In case you haven't noticed yet, I have an aversion to calling characters by their names, instead substituting things that would be their defining characteristic. Going through my old stuff from three years ago, this seems to hold true as well. Maybe I just hate names.

* * *

Chapter Two: _Brothers and Sisters_

As she reached the door, the mage couldn't believe what she was about to do. She almost felt as if it were a dream and she could barely feel the door as she knocked on it. There was a small shuffle from inside the room as the occupant groaned, "Andraste's flaming sword! Give me, like, two minutes!"

Grimacing, she leaned against the wall waiting as she tried to figure out what she was even going to say to him. In all honesty, if she could she would much rather be fighting a thousand darkspawn while someone else talked to Alistair about this, but she had to do it. She knew how he was and he would not even listen to anyone else.

"_If my mentor makes me do one more lightning spell, I think I just may throw myself on the nearest templar's sword instead," the teenage apprentice moaned as she sprawled out on her bed, burying her face in the pillow._

"_Now come on, Kitty," her best friend smiled, sitting down on the side of the bed, next to her. "You don't really want to give them the pleasure of killing you."  
_

_Laughing slightly, she turned on her back and looked up at him. "I don't know, Jowan. Knight-Commander Greagoir might actually die of happiness if I did though."_

"_Oh I think they all might just throw a party if they actually got to kill one of us," he responded jokingly._

_Finally giving into a smile, she sat up facing him. "Maybe not all of them," she mused. "That new one, the young man who got here a week or so ago, seems nice enough. He helped carry some of my books after lessons yesterday."_

"_Oh, did he now?" Jowan asked, a teasing sort of tone in his voice. "Now I wonder why he'd help a pretty young elven lass like yourself?"_

"_Oh hush," she scolded, playfully. "It's not like that. He's been nice to everyone I've seen him with so far. Maybe the other templars just haven't gotten to him yet. We should hide him from them."_

"_Under your covers?" he suggested, feigning innocence._

_Still amused, she groaned somewhat dramatically, lightly punching his arm and then laying back down. "You're impossible. I'd sooner have Irving under my covers before I had him." She paused, smiling, and added, "But I'd still have the both of them before I had you."_

"_Oh, ow, that hurts," he responded wryly. "I think I'm just going to lay here and cry, now." Before she could realize what he was doing, he laid down on top of her stomach, and she made a small "oof" noise from the pressure._

"_Mmph, Jowan, get off before you crush me," she ordered in somewhat of whine, "Or somebody sees us and gets the wrong idea."_

"_What, that you're weaker than I am?" he asked, grinning._

_She vainly tried to push him off. "That we're fraternizing," she corrected, groaning._

_Just as she said this, another apprentice passed by the bed, and Jowan smiled at her. "Oh hello, Arianna. Miss Surana and I were just fraternizing," he explained, innocently. "Don't tell anyone."_

_He winked at the confused girl, and the now furiously blushing elf under him finally managed to shove him off of her stomach. Surprised by this, he rolled over on her legs, and she quickly pulled them out from under him and got off the bed._

"_You're absolutely ridiculous."_

"Okay, you can come in now," Alistair called from inside the room. She opened the door, and the boy grinned at her, apparently over his earlier melancholy, but now somewhat embarrassed as he finished tugging his shirt back on.

Raising an eyebrow, she smiled at him as she entered. "What have we here? Been twirling the pike again, or do you got a girl in here?" she asked smugly. His cheeks and ears turned a bright shade of red as she knelt down to check under the bed. "You under there, Zev?"

Her fellow warden made a noise in disgust. "Oh come on! Even if I did like men, I could do better than Zevran," he defended himself as she stood back up and turned towards him.

"What's wrong with Zevran?" she asked, coyly.

"Other than the fact he was sent to kill us? Well, he's just kind of, I don't know, _swooshy_," he answered honestly, before realizing what he'd just said and then in a low, insistent voice adding, "I like women."

The mage smirked slightly and sat down on the bed. Blushing again, Alistair rubbed the back of his neck and turned away from her.

"I was just changing out of the my armor," he explained, answering her initial question. "I think I'm going to go head down and catch a drink with Oghren and Wynne before I go to bed for the night. You know, in case I die tomorrow, I want to enjoy tonight."

Hearing that, she frowned and played with her hands. She couldn't go through with this.

"So did you want to tell me something?" he asked obliviously as he sat on the floor and put on his socks.

Inhaling deeply, she looked over at him. "Actually," she replied, nervously. "I need you to do something for me."

Looking over at her, he frowned, "Oh, I'm not going to like this at all, am I?"

"_Hello? Is any- Oh Maker, I can't believe it's really you."_

_Putting away her staff, the mage turned around upon hearing the familiar voice._

"_Jowan, you son of a whore!" she grinned, running to the bars of the cell, clasping her fingers over his. "I thought I'd never see you again."_

"_The same here," he admitted, smiling though somewhat ashamed, "and I certainly didn't expect you to be this glad to see me."_

"_Of course, I am," she replied, sweetly._

"_I don't mean to interrupt, but y-you know this man?" Leliana asked, looking at him very curiously. Zevran leaned against the opposite wall somewhat disinterested._

"_He's an old friend of mine from the tower," she explained, turning back to the others. "Alistair, I've told you about him."_

_Looking over the apostate in the cell, Alistair shrugged. "So this is the guy who got you thrown out of the Circle?"_

_Jowan frowned, "I did what?"_

_At that she turned back to him in the cell, and as the initial shock of seeing him wore off, her smile faded and she realized where he was and what that meant. "Oh, Jowan," she whimpered, "How did you end up in here?"_

The boy actually fell on the bed laughing. "Oh that's great!" he howled, rolling over with his eyes swelling with tears. "Oh, I can't breathe. You're killing me."

Standing over him, she anxiously stared at her feet as he slowly began to calm down. Her ears were violent red and she cleared her throat quietly. Now nervously chuckling, he sat up and his face grew somewhat horrified. "Wait, you were joking, right?"

"Alistair," she whimpered plaintively, sitting down beside him. "I know it's crazy, but she wouldn't lie to me about this. Please, please consider it. It's the only way to make sure none of us have to die when the archdemon's slain."

"I can't-" he trailed off. "This is insane. I don't want to-"

"Just think abou-"

"No, no, I can't do that. No, no. I can't."

"Please, Ali-"

"No!" he yelled, shocking them both a bit. He looked away, whispering, "Just no."

"_Teagan, please," she begged the bann. "Let him go. He already saved Connor. Just say he escap-"_

"_I'm sorry, my lady," Teagan replied, with a tone sympathetic but terse. He looked over at his dying brother. "I can't let him go. Believe me if I could I would let you, but I just can't do that. "_

"_But he's not a bad person! The Circle isn't going to just forgive a former apostate," she tried to explain. "They will to sentence him to death! Or tranquility! Please jus-"_

"_No!" he answered firmly, ending the conversation. "It's not going to happen."_

_Hurt, the mage lowered her eyes. Her companions stared at her, waiting for her reply. Frustration burning in her cheeks, she finally choked out, "Fine."_

"_I'm so sorry, madam," he apologized, sincerely understanding._

_Exhaling slowly, she stood up straight, a certain manic conviction in her eyes. "Then at least let me kill him. He's not going back to the Circle."_

_Taken completely aback, the bann stared at her. "I guess I could allow that," he stammered. "Do you really-"_

_Ignoring him, she turned around, examining the four with her. Leliana and Alistair stood in wordless awe, and Wynne looked distressed for the Warden's judgment as if she were trying to think of something to say to dissuade her, but couldn't find the words. However in the corner stood the Antivan assassin, who had been previously twirling a dagger in utter boredom, now looked somewhat interested in the sudden turn of events. _

"_Zevran, come with me," she commanded. "I want you there with me in case I can't bring myself to finish it."_

"_As you wish," he shrugged and sheathed his dagger. He looked up, smiling, "This should be promising."_

_The two began to leave, but as the mage passed by the others, she felt someone grabbing her arm. She turned to see the Orlesian, holding her back._

"_Don't do this," she begged. "You'll regret it if you do. I know you will."_

"_Stay out of my way Leliana," The Warden snapped, harshly yanking her arm free. Frightened, the bard shrunk away from her, and for a split second, the mage felt guilty for that action, but she continued on nonetheless to meet a Zevran, now waiting outside the door._

_With the Antivan cheerily whistling as they did, the pair made their way down to the dungeon. Reaching the cell, the Warden looked inside to see her old friend asleep on the floor._

"_I'll let you handle this for now," Zevran told her as he backed away to lean, against the wall until he was needed. She nodded and stepped towards the cell, placing her hands on the bars._

"_Jowan!" she called out in hushed whisper. "Jowan, wake up! Jowan!"_

_Curiously, Zevran raised an eyebrow, and the mage sighed in irritation. She grabbed a dagger from her belt and hit it against the bars, sounding a large metal clang._

_The prisoner immediately awoke and scurried to his feet. "What's going on?" he looked out at the other side of the bars. "Kitty? What are you doing here?"_

"_I'm busting you out," she explained quietly, turning back to Zevran. "Pick the lock."_

"_Oh-ho-ho, so that's what you had planned," he grinned, stepping forward. "You are the sly one. Even I was wondering where exactly you were going with that."_

_It took a second for the apostate to realize what she had said. "You're going to what?" he asked, incredulously, stepping towards the cell door._

_She shushed him and looked around for anyone who may have heard him. Kneeling down Zevran began to pick the lock._

"_I'm going to break you out," she repeated, still whispering. "They're going to send you back to the Circle when the arl recovers. I'm not going to let that happen. So I told them I came down here to kill you, but instead I'm helping you escape."_

"_Are you crazy?" Jowan argued, quietly. "I'm not letting you take the fall for me again, Kitty."_

_Pursing his lips, Zevran paused from his lock-picking and looked up at her, "Kitty?"_

"_Get back to work," she hissed at him, and turned back to her friend. "I'm not going to let them take you away. Jowan, what if they make you tranquil?"_

"_Than that's what I'll get," he sighed, leaning against the cell wall. "I'm done running. It's time I take responsibility for my actions, even if it means tranquility, or even death."_

"_But-" she began._

"_No, Kitty. That's final," Jowan interrupted her, before looking down at the man still messing with the lock. "Hey, you. Zevran, was it?"_

"_That would be me," the assassin nodded cordially. "At your service."_

"_Even if you get that unlocked, I'm not going anywhere," the apostate told him, "Unless of course, Kitty here thinks it's a good idea to kidnap me. So would you mind giving us a moment alone?"_

_Stopping, he looked up at the Grey Warden for some sort of confirmation. With a defeated sigh, she replied, "Yeah, it's okay. You can go."_

_Shrugging, he stood up and began to leave. "You always tell me to go just when it starts getting interesting," he commented casually. "It's like you secretly want me to miss out on all the fun."_

_As soon as he left, Jowan smiled, "Do you remember that time, when we just old enough to start doing minor spells, and I set those really old books from the library on fire?"_

"_Of course, we were scrubbing the floors as punishment for a month," she replied plainly. "What about it?"_

"_That's exactly it," he sighed. "I set the books on fire, but you told the adults that you did it too. Kitty, since we were children, my mistakes have been affecting your life, and I'm not going to let you drag yourself down with me any longer."_

"_But Jowan-"_

"_No, listen, say you do break me out, then what?" he asked. "Obviously, the authorities don't want me free, since you had to lie about your intentions, and if you continued to lie to them and said you killed me, how would you explain the lack of body?"_

"_Magic," she suggested, weakly._

_He shook his head. "Kitty, I love you, and that's why I can't let you continue to cover for me. You have to let me go. All I want is to make up for what I did. Even if it means death."_

_Tears welled in her eyes as he said this, and she whispered, "But I don't want to lose you again."_

"I'm sorry for yelling at you," Alistair finally sighed after several moments of silence. "This just-"

"I understand," she said, blankly staring off into space. "I shouldn't have asked you in the first place. It was selfish of me to even consider it."

"It's not selfish," he sighed. "If Riordan fails, as senior Grey Warden, I'll take his place."

"No," she stated firmly, though still staring into space. "This country needs a king. They need you, Alistair, and I'm not going to let you sacrifice yourself."

She stood up as if to end the conversation and headed towards the door.

"Wait," he called. She stopped. He bowed his head and told her, "Tell Morrigan, tell her I'll think about it. I'll have her answer within the hour." He looked up at her. "I just need some time."

With tears in her eyes, the mage turned and looked back at him, barely able to mouth, "Thank you."

* * *

**Ending Notes:** God Warden, stop angsting all over the place. Don't you have some darkspawn to kill?

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